I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
