And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
