Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
