I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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