I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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