I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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