So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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