I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
