i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
