the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
