I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
