Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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