so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
