I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
why is half of my head shaved?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
