Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
