And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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