i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
