Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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