I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
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Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
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..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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