I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
