eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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