Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
