oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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