I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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