why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
