The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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