We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
