I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
