You really coming over, don't trick.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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