Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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