Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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