My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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