someone threw a dead crab at me
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It's blow job season.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I had to cum in my sink.
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