we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
