I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
