maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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