So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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