Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
