I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
