lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
