love makes seman taste better
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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