if only i could text you this smell
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
