Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
