she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize