First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
