Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
