My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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