Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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