Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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