apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize