I accidentally had phone sex last night
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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