saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
