We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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