9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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