oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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