I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
