i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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