i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
BRING THE BAGELS
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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