the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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