I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I am naked and annoyed.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
