Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize