Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
