He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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