I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
