He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
