..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
