I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
