the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
