Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
