he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
birth control should be required to get into college
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
