he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
