So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
