Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
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